Poll: Are you a virgin?

...for now.

Now, don't read into that anymore than what's stated. ;)

I'm not necessarily waiting to be married first, I'm more waiting for the person. When it's time, it's time, married or not.

The time, person, and place just haven't come yet.

-- Pauley

holy crap... I submitted this poll at least a year ago, probably more.

Wow.

*hears some distant whisp of the twilight zone theme*

:)

-- Pauley

Hmmm...well that depends. I could answer "yes...for now" in one perspective and "no, sex please!" if you view it from another.

I'm a technical virgin, and just like pauley im waiting for the right circumstances. but the thing that sucks is that no one my age is still a virgin so what are my chances of finding a guy who is? i really want my first time to be with another virgin but i ain't holding my breath.
And who the hell knows when is the right time? i was with my first real bf and first true love for over a year and i thought he would be the first, then he went and broke my heart.
Thing is, i dont wanna regret it, but the longer i wait, the bigger a deal it becomes.
anyone know where im comin' from?

jen

I hear ya...

I remember a discussion when I was a junior in high school... out of a class of about 30-ish at the time, with a senior class about the same size a year ahead of us, about 3 of my classmates and I (mostly them, I was really kinda listening) were trying to figure out "how many were left." our estimation at the time was about 7 in my class, and 2 in the senior class. The odds get slim pretty quick, unfortunately.

I've always imagined my first time being with another virgin, too, but like I said before -- when it's time, it's time; que sera, sera.

-- Pauley

well, I to have fallen love and I gotta say, it becomes more and more of a deal until it's no fucking deal at all. Thats how it happened with me, I was like "fuck it. go a head." and he had forgotten I was a virgin. and he started crying. Then he said we could never do it again. and I was like "woah. I just lose it and now never again? fuck this shit, Im out"

yeah. good times

We're good friends now though! =+)

Really we spend WAY too much time worrying about this. It isn't that big a deal really, as Mindy points out.

Welcome back, Mindy :)

'ello Josh!!!!

couldn't "no" just be "no?" not all non-virgins are of the "sex, please!" attitude.

blame nate ;) (j/k)

-- Pauley

(and actually, for that matter, couldn't "yes" also be "yes, but I wish I weren't?")

Yes but I wish I weren't is defintely a missing catagory. Just because Nate apparently has never been there doesn't mean nobody has. :)

That is an intriguing option. Would anyone who voted for it please elaborate?

Here is my reason for picking "Other:" I am in training to become a virgin and no setbacks discourage me from eventually attaining my goal.

I picked other. My reasoning? With a newborn, I've got proof, but I'll be fucked if I can remember what sex was.

Wait, that didn't come out right...

One of my�OBs said he likes working with pregnant women because he "knows they put out."

Yeah, they put out a baby

Reminds me of a Dave's True Story show I attended last year when Kelly Flint said: Hee. With my newborn I can now perfectly relate to�our older song "Sex without bodies" ;-D

I picked other because, while I am not a virgin, the "no... sex please!" option didn't quite suit me.

and well. to go further than that is just too private for this forum.

Ah, thanks. The "..." in the third option made me completely misread its meaning. Clearly, there are some important colours missing in the spectrum of this poll.

Agreed.

Yikes. I just realized it's now been (almost exactly) 10 years since I was a virgin.� I don't feel like that much time has passed.

Sometimes I wish I had waited longer. Most times I don't really care. It's life! :)

I'm sorry, but you can't post this with your screen name as Andrea "Itchy" Krauss and not make me pee.

*laugh* I'm itchy because it's winter and my skin is dry! :)

I was thinking the SAME thing. "itchy where?" =+)

I feel weird even answering this poll, because it seems to be aimed at unmarried people... but, y'know. Answering it is the only way to get it off my front page. Heh.

And no, I did not wait until I was married. ;)

I actually think that both physical and emotional intimacy are things that most people know when they are ready for, and if we didn't make such a big, scandalous deal out of the one, we'd all feel much more confident about our ability to recognize our own feelings about it, and act accordingly. Our society's attitudes about sex only serve to confuse and traumatize us, causing us to make poor decisions for ourselves half the time. How ridiculous is a world where so many people are either ashamed for having had sex, or ashamed for not having had it? I really think that if people were left alone to search their own hearts for answers, instead of being assaulted by platitudes and intimidation from all sides, we'd have a much happier and healthier world. Speaking only for myself, I know I could have made much better choices for myself when I was younger if I hadn't been plagued by both guilt and shame at every turn. Decisions made under those conditions are rarely sound.

i waited for The Right Time. sometimes i think i waited too long. most of the time, i think i got it pretty much right. :)

La. Opportunities never walked my way until fairly recently, somehow, but it turned out for the best :P

So...you know those folks who decide they're born again virgins after a while? Would that make one of those folks a Virgin 2.0?

Heeee...*runs off in a caffeine fueled spaz attack*

God, I hope I turned off my auto-upgrade for that software package..

It happens in some cases when you upgrade Girlfriend to Wife 1.0.

hehehe. :-D

There was a time when I was waiting for marriage, but now I've changed that to 'waiting for the right person.' And I want it to be a really serious committed relationship anyway. Not necessarily married, because I don't plan on getting married for awhile, but something quite relationshippy.

Has anyone read any books by Josh Harris? A fundamentalist guy who writes about dating. his famous books are "I kissed dating goodbye" and 'Say hello to courtship" I pretty much disagree with everything he says, but they're hilarous to read

He says that you aren't supposed to date, but "court" to find out if God wants you two to get married. This means no physical contact, lots of church activities, and of course asking the father for persmission. The thing is, they're not even allowed to kiss before marriage. because when you kiss, you want to do more. And you don't want to stoke the fires of passion before you can have sex. In other words, (in their words) "WHY PREHEAT THE OVEN WHEN YOU CAN'T COOK THE ROAST?"

In high school, i sort of dated a guy who was of that mind set.� I knew he was very religious, but i didn't know how fundamentalist he was about physicality until the end of our first (and last) date.�� I asked him for a kiss and he ran out of the room and threw up.� He was so nervous and so wound up about his (and his family's) expectations that he couldn't handle the possibility of any kind of psuedo-sexual contact.� he later told me that he's waiting until he's married for his first kiss.�

There was a guy in our office who was super religious and rumor has it, that his wedding kiss was his first. I can't see how that's healthy, but to each their own...

I still think it is proper to ask for the father's blessing (I disagree with permission since it's not up to him). After all, you are, in a way, asking to become part of the family and have a familial relationship, so asking for the blessing is, to me, proper.

Dating is what you do when you want to see if you have something with someone. Courting is what you do once you figure out that you do have something with that someone.

>I still think it is proper to ask for the father's blessing (I disagree with permission since it's not up to him). After all, you are, in a way, asking to become part of the family and have a familial relationship, so asking for the blessing is, to me, proper.

While I agree that it's important for family members to get along whenever possible, especially for somebody newly coming into a family, I don't think that it necessarily has to be the father's blessing.� I mean, if you don't have a close relationship with your father, why should your fiance care what he thinks?� For example, I'm getting married in a few months, and my fiance's sister is the member of the family he's closest to.� I knew it was important that Kelly�give the OK to�our marriage for Ryan and I to be happy with me coming into his family.��

You illustrate a good point. I agree with you that it's more important to get the familial relation which matters most to your fiance. In my specific case it was her father.

What happens if he doesn't give it?

You proceed with the marriage anyways. At least you have acknowledged the fact you are entering their family, and if they say no, well, *shrug* I guess that defines what kind of relationship you'll have with them.

That's why I say blessing and not permission. You get permission for the marriage when your fiance says yes. :)

the christian group at my high school (a public school, btw, but one in redneck fundy hillbilly land) was all about him. yarch

One of my friends freshman year had gotten those books for graduation. And brought them with her to college. And read them.

In most other respects she seemed very open-minded and easy-going though...

they're not even allowed to kiss before marriage. because when you kiss, you want to do more.

The mother of an erstwhile girlfriend told me a very similar story:

Some obscure sect absolutely prohibited dancing before marriage. A young couple, sought clarification on what they could do and what they couldn't before they married.
"are we allowed to kiss, Rabbe?" asked Saul.
"Yes, you can," answered the Rabbi.
"And, if we get carried away with desire, may we make love?" asked Rebecca.
"Yes," said the Rabbi, "there is no word in the text prohibiting you from making love."
The boy wanted more assurance: "Can we make love in the kitchen while Rebecca's parents are watching the tennis on the tv in the living room?"
"I already answered that question," said the Rabbi.
Rebecca tested that point, mindful of how tiny her parent's kitchen was: "Can we make love in the kitchen, standing up, with me leaning against the sink?"
"NO, YOU MAY NOT," yelled the Rabbi and then explained in a hissing tone: "That may lead to dancing!"

My best friend was OBSESSED with the books. I pointed out how much it would suck if you were spiritually compatible but not compatible in any other way but you don't know until your stuck and then its divorce my friend.
She started kissing dating hello after that

No one said they would wait...no one has voted that they would wait?! Well I will.

um... do we mean spiritual viginity or actuall technical virginity... my answer would be the same but the explination and timeline would be VASTLY different.

What actually constitutes loss of virginity?� A lot of people have different ideas.� I kind of think that�engaging in�oral sex means that you have lost your virginity but I know other might disagree.� I also think that if your first "sexual" encounter is rape, then you're still a virgin. Any thoughts?

I think it's one of those self-defined things. if you've engaged in an act that you consider to be giving up your virginity, then, well, you have. and if you haven't, then that's cool, too.

that, and since it's not usually a matter for public discussion, it only matters in the case where someone you're involved with actually cares. and unless the people in the relationship view it differently, it's unlikely to be a problem.

I agree that it has to be voluntary and consensual, though. virginity should be something a person chooses to give up.

lawrence this is in no way a put down, but I think this is the first time I've TOTALLY agreed with you on something. woah. I think I need to go lay down. ;-)

Well my personal definition of losing virginity is doing it with 2 others on an airplane over the sahara desert. Given that, I think we'll probably all die virgins. ;)

dude. I have GOT to try that.

not me!

oh, wait, that was just that dream about me, dom, and billeh...

See Chasing Amy

the swingset scene is probably the best discussion of the definition of virginity on film.

five, almost six worthless years of inept men. and some good girls.

... well there�are some verra dark bad moments of my young prebubesant life involving a family memeber *shudder* other than that.... its only been one other bad man *shiver* and adam *disgust*

I hate my sexual history.

oh... and there were some spotty girl love moments. girls rock.

well, i tend to roll with the punches so far as sex goes. i'm so eager to please that while in a relationship i almost totally repress my own feelings. just to avoid making the guy upset with me. not healthy, i know. so, in retrospect, i tend to be slightly bitter. well, maybe more than slightly.

I hate my sexual history.

Yeah, majorly can relate to that.

oh... and there were some spotty girl love moments. girls rock.

there's just something about girls, or there was in the past anyway

Wow I guess I'm the only one waiting until I'm married :D

That is subject to change, however... I can't tell the future! lol

well I don't want to DIE a virgin. so yeah.

I was going to do that. then I realized I didn't want to marry anything thats out there. So, while never having sex might be safer, it wasn't the option for me. But, honestly, I could have just as easily gone without rather than been with those I've been with. No fireworx exploding in my brain or anything

They've been that bad????? Oh girl, you have to find some better people. Sex should not be indifferent!

I'm turning 30 in April. My path seems to lead down the way of "You're a good guy, but..." or "I don't want to ruin or friendship". There was a time when I used to care about trying to lose it, but I feel if I do, fine, if I don't anytime soon, I have more important things in life to worry about.

It depends what you think of as sex.. techinally, yes, I'm a virgin.

....
...i'm not touching this one with a 6 infoot ...pole.

I'm just glad im not this one friend of mine, he has a lot of friends who happen to be girls, most of whom tell him"your like a brother to me."

I was that guy freshman/sophomore years in university!

Well, except I was "another one of the guys" for a whole crew of guys.

(Most of whom came out over the 2 or 3 years following, so.� Um.)��

And since�my 17th wedding anniversary is Saturday, no.� I'm not a virgin.� :D

What if the one guy really, really sucked? And not in the pleasant way :P

Can I, like, take my virginity back? You know, retract it or something?

I wonder how many people would do that if they had the chance

Sure you can. Why not? Its all a state of mind anyway. As Lisa is fond of saying, "You can break your hymen turning cartwheels." And for guys there is no physical definition at all. To me it was a case of good riddance, but you can certainly take it back if you want.

dude, if she can do that, I can mark that professor off my list who pulled my drunk ass out of a creek and slept with me. I found out 6 months later

I dont remember, didnt happen

You got it Minds. You CAN do that. (Although I hope you learned from the experience that didn't happen) ;)

hahah! spanx! And yeah, I know I gotta find better bed buddies =+)

I live in Arlington...

oh, you said virgin, not virginian. nevermind.
:)

boooo!��

*sigh* baaaad........ :-P

-- Pauley

I thought it was funny...but then it's nearly 3 am and anything is funny this time of night.� :P

what about non-practising virgin? heh

Topper: "So... I guess you've been with a man before..."
Ramada: "I'm a virgin. I'm just not very good at it. "
     --Hot Shots

-- Pauley

i could have used a more neutral "no" answer.� i'm not a virgin, but that doesn't mean i care all that much about sex.

Nope. I'm a Leo (damn this pun only works in German:) *hides*