Poll: How old were you when you lost your virginity?

I think I did this poll a while back... but it'll be interesting, as I think the ranges are different.

I'd look to see if I *did* actually do said poll.. but FHDC is not responding to refresh requests... so I'm giving up on it for the night.

Glad it wasn't 18 for me, or I'd still be staring at the main page. :)

Yeah, I stared at the main page for a while.
I decided I was more in the -21 than the 16- part of my life at the time, so I voted for the older 18. :)

ummm...yeah

I wrote this because it was of specific relevance to me...im 24 and i just had sex for the first time ever, last month with my bf, adam.

24!

the weird part is, i was only with him like two weeks when i did, and it was all my decision (heh, he didnt object). It's strange that i did only after two weeks, when i was with my other bf (also named adam!) for a year and a month. I thought i was going to be a virgin forever,and my friends are shocked... no more Virgin Jen!

The great part is, i have no regrets. yay :D

It's funny, I remember you and I posting about this back earlier this year with the "are you a virgin?" poll, and in the time since, we would now have both changed our answers. :-P

Congradjamalations :-D *hugs*

ETA: I'll add, because I was just asked about it -- I don't have any regrets about my first time, either. :)

-- Pauley

First time physically or first time for the right reasons?

I was over 21, but the first time was for all the wrong reasons. Luckily I only made one mistake, the next time was for the right reasons.

yay pauley! we be devirginised!

joketime: What do a balloon and a virgin have in common?

one prick and its all over!!

jen :D

oh dear. :-P

(you'd better clarify that to mean virgin women... no pricks were added in my case. :-P)

*hugs*
-- Pauley

why are there two 18 options?

made things tough for me.

I mean... um...

I HAD LOTZ OF BOIFREINDS IN HI-SKOOL AND ALL THE PEEPS LUVD ME!

or not

Also... people seem to talk about their first time in black and white terms... regret and whatnot.

Mine... I don't *exactly* regret it, as it's not a regretable thing to me,. But, in retrospect, I'm not happy about the circumstances.

However, I think it was appropriate for that time in my life.

take 15 - 18 to mean from your 15th birthday till your 18th birthday. after that you are 15-18 but 18 and a day. The only really problem would be if you lost your viriginity on your birthday at the exact time of day you were born.

it was on my 17th birthday (this past july 1st) that my girlfriend gave me a special little present. i dont regret it, since we had been together for 17 months by then, and i truly Do love her. she's the only girl i've ever loved... ever even kissed! yes, she's my highschool sweetheart.

a number of friends of mine have lost their virginity in non-serious relationships, which i am not fond of. i believe that sex should be saved for a serious relationship.

Hehe it just struck me funny. Mine was 17 as well. But while yours was a few months ago, mine was 11 years ago. THAT is scary. :) God I feel so old.

See Chasing Amy

I think for the purposes of this poll, it doesn't really matter what it is - people will answer when they think they lost it, by whatever definition they choose.

Of course, that further leaves me to wonder why it even matters to anyone at all that they lost it, that they didn't lose it, or when. Or worse, that it matters to people when other people did or didn't lose their virginity.

It really should be less of a big deal than most people make of it.

it's an archaic remnant.

also, isn't the concept of male virginity something relatively modern?

Maybe it should be less of a big deal...but to some people it is a pretty big deal or at least noteworthy...and that makes it demographically interesting I believe.

I'm trying to remember where I read it (and I realize it's a generalization, so it won't be accurate for everyone -- YMMV*), but I had read somewhere that, in general, your virginity is only really important to you until you've lost it, at which point it really doesn't seem to matter any more. Again, not everyone will agree with that, but it did make sense to me... Now that I'm no longer a virgin, it isn't as big a deal to me as it used to be.

-- Pauley

* YMMV = "Your Mileage May Vary," if you haven't heard that one before.

Yeah, agreed.

After the fact, many people are left wondering, "why on earth was that such a big deal?"

Agreed. My feeling is that, were I in a position where this were relevant (i.e. if I had more opportunities to either accept or turn down) the first time should be 'special' (i.e. in a 'Relationship') but after that, it's not really quite as important. Although I don't think I could ever bring myself to sleep with someone I don't at least know a little bit and trust quite a bit.

In the eye of the one being de-virginized, I think. I mean, really, virginity is as much about perception as anything else.

When i wrote this poll i meant virginity as penile insertion... leave it to the FHDC community to make things more complicated than they are ;)

and sorry about the two 18 options. i noticed that too yesterday...oops!

and lawrence, i hear your point...but its not big deal to me about other people...but like andrea pointed out, it IS demographically interesting. i for one, felt like the oldest living virgin. im always curious about why other people wait very long like i did.
for me, i'm just glad that it wasnt regretful at all :)

When i wrote this poll i meant virginity as penile insertion...

which leaves out certain segments of the population. Would that mean lesbians are always virgins?

I do prefer a variation on the Chasing Amy idea. it's not when X, Y or Z happens. it's more a self-identification thing. If you call yourself a virgin, then you are. It's not something that should be absolute or even physically definable.

And yes, someone who has had sex before can still be a virgin, if they feel they are and feel a need to identify as such. Although I'd imagine that unless the subject came up in conversation, like here, most people wouldn't provide the information...

I get the feeling that those intent on proclaiming it repeatedly outside such discussions are probably either not particularly secure in their status, or insecure with the idea that others might believe them to be whichever one they aren't and need to make sure no one thinks they are or aren't a virgin.

leave it to the FHDC community to make things more complicated than they are

but virginity *is* a complicated subject. and so is sexuality. and what you see as keeping things simple, i actually see as ignoring a significant part of the population. but kevin smith already addressed this much better, as gella pointed out above.

and if you (or any fhdcers) don't already follow the livejournal of misia, you really should. she's a fascinating writer who's working on a book about virginity, and she's always sharing her research and answering questions from her readers.

I think people make it more complicated than it needs to be, though... the bottom line is.... whatever an individual feels to be the loss of their virginity... well.. is.

that's true, but even then, to a lot of people, it's still not a black and white thing.

sure, for someone whose sexuality is relatively simple, virginity likely will be, too - that is, people who identify as a specific and narrow sexuality may find it easier to define their virginity or lack thereof.

but what about someone who chooses not to define their sexuality? I'd imagine virginity is equally loosely defined or not defined at all for them.

But even if one chooses not to define their sexuality, there is still a point at which that sexuality is (or isn't) acted upon with another person, I would think.

But the point is there isn't necessarily a single moment when that happens. Virginity isn't always defined by an event. It's not just a true/false question for some people.

Hm.

Perhaps I'm just dense... or very sheltered.... but I can't htink of a case where it wouldn't be an event or experience.

You want complicated?


************TMI************


When I was 17 I met a guy. I had my first sexual experience with him (with anyone) that year. I had my first orgasm. Such encounters became routine. There was a point where it seemed almost marital. I slept with him just about every night, we got naked together, and everytime we had sexual contact, we were making love.

But it wasn't sex by the above definition. It wasn't penetration, it wasn't even oral. And through all the lovemaking and orgasms I remained a virgin, by most people's "technical" definition.

We finally had penetrative sex two years later, in my college dorm room when I was nineteen. It didn't feel like an event, just a progression. But, when I spent a semester abroad when I was eighteen, the girls in the group were obsessed with the question of virginity, painting it as a black and white, saying things like "Oh, you're a virgin so you can't understand what it's like for us to miss our boyfriends." I could have just said that I wasn't a virgin, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to have to give a shit, but these kids were so obsessed with it that it really... well, it got under my skin.

What makes it even more complicated is that, being bisexual, I know that had this boy I was with been a girl, what we were doing when I was 17 would have "counted" as sex, and would have constituted a loss of virginity in lesbian terms. But the boy has a penis, so the standards are different for some reason.

*********/TMI************

There's complicated.

right... so would you consider that as having lost your virginity?

What is virginity?

*rolls eyes*

It is whatever you consider it to be.

Well, if it means sexual awakening or first sexual experience or first orgasm or first love, it's 17. If it means penetration, then it's 19. If it means when I was spoiled for marriage... *fits of laughter*

Point is I don't think I want to consider it. I think it's an archaic concept with misogynistic roots and I don't think it's important.

The most significant sexual milestone of my life so far occurred when I was 17.

And I've already told you *way* more than I think you wanted to know about my sexual history.

Heh. Indeed.
:)

Go go gadget TMI poll!

she didn't give you any TMI about gadgets. that's another poll entirely!

*snort*

I don't think that one would make it past the censor. ;)

Inspector Gadget!?! I don't even know 'er!

haha ya thats what me and my girlfriend were like for about a year before we actually had sex, thought not every night. not nearly. for some reason, it makes me feel good about myself to know that me and her fool around or sleep together alot less often then our friends who are in relationships do, althought the only two relationships of friends of mine that Were having sex are over now. but that ok. now im having more sex then anyone and still feeling good that im not having it too often.

how on earth can you have sex TOO often?

:D

yeah, see, i'm with nate on this one :P

Yeah, I can't argue with that one.

-- Pauley

blah blah blah yes theres such thing as too much sex!
and yes, i AM a guy saying this

Maybe it's a limited resource and we just don't know it. We're depleting our sex reserves! Conserve!

No no. Sex is a renewable resource!

I agree with your statement that the state of virginity is much more than the simple act of sex. Even though I had sex once before meeting my wife, I still consider myself to have lost my virginity with her.

However, if you want to go with strict definitions, here is the definition of virgin:

Virgin (n)

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
   
2. A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
   
3. An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.
   
4. Virgin The Virgin Mary.
   
5. Zoology. A female insect or other arthropod that produces fertile eggs without copulating.
   

So, by the primary definition a virgin is someone who has not experienced sexual intercourse. So let's see what the definition is sexual intercourse is:

sexual intercourse (n.)

1. Coitus between humans.
   
2. Sexual union between humans involving genital contact other than vaginal penetration by the penis.
   

So one definition does consider any genital contact to be sexual intercourse (not sure Clinton would agree, but hey...). So, lesbians/gay men, would be considered to have lost their virginity when they have sexual relations.

I was 23, my friend Karen was 29. Why did you wait that long?

Edit: This is not to imply that I lost it to an older woman. ;) That is two separate incidents I'm talking about.

I really don't feel like I "lost" my virginity the first time I had sex.

I think it really happened the first time I made love.

And I do think there's a difference.

I absolutely agree. I think there's sexual virginity and, for lack of a better term, "making love" virginity.

Even if it's just a guy "making love to his tonic and gin"?

*thwap*

Sorry... that damned song gets stuck in my head almost every time someone says "making love".

well at least it doesn't bring up "Making love out of nothing at all" for you. *curses my sister for playing that song over and over again when I was younger*

yeah, for me it's that crappy "in the club" song.

you should definitely�play the Andrew Kerr parody to her ;-)

hee! I definitely should. "to prove?" "oh, the heart as drum metaphor, very clever!" "oh! football metaphor! very original"

what about a pie?

"in prison, he'll be the pie!"

*groaaaaaan*

-- Pauley

holy crap.

did I just find common ground with starfox? :)

*looks around for that damned apocalypse*

Well just because you're wrong most of the time, doesn't mean you can't be right some of the time. :)

Honestly, I'm quite easy to get along with.

next time you're in toronto, I'll buy you a bubble tea.

because bubble tea is my crack.

I don't think I ever really saw it as losing my virginity, rather than just finding something wonderful...

Although you can define virginity any way you want, I also see it as multiple virginites. You lose a virginity anytime you do something new sexually. The one our society concentrates on (for historical and cultural reasons) is vaginal penetration, but others are no less relevant. For example I'm certainly a virgin when it comes to gay activity, and believe me, having sex with another guy would be a much bigger shock/taboo broken/big deal to me than anything I could do with a woman.

When you think about it, anythine you do something with a new partner, there is a kind of loss of virginity. (Although I think "loss" is not a good word. :)

that we have NO under 13 responses yet.

that what was have no under?

I have *ahem* no idea what you're talking about.

ooh, CHEATER :P

Reading all the responses, it turns out this poll was about intercourse. I thought ya'll meant the Rocky Horror Picture Show...

haha, if it was RHPS, i'd be in the under 13 category! :D

...and I'd be in the "still a virgin" category. it just never appealed to me. *shrug*

-- Pauley

you're not missing too much. :)

*laugh* good to know. :-P

-- Pauley

And it really depends on what kind of showing you go to. I've been to some awesome shows where people really got into it, the de-virgining of audience members was creative and fun (not necessarily just humiliating). I've been to some shows where I left because it was so freaking lame.

Like the Toronto one, where they don't even bother. They just read a list.

A Rocky Horror cast should not be made of kids who look like they should still have a bedtime.

I don't like the one here at all.

heee, i was so tempted to post an rhps response.

I'm thirty and yet to have tested the waters. Oh well.

i understand that defining virginity can get quite complicated, what with the different types of sex and with lesbianism, etc...

but black and white, if you've had a penis all the way inside you, you are not a virgin anymore! circumstances don't matter. that's how I see it, it's simple when it's in *those* terms. I mean, I've heard about these "born-again virgins", but history can;t erasethefactthat it has happened....

now for me, someone asked above why i waited so long... well, i was holding out for something and someone really special, true love and all that, but it didnt turn out that way. the only boy i was ever in love with was my only long term relationship that ended (horribly!) last year.

so what made me decide to do it with current bf of a short time who im only in "like"with? well, heres the story...

i had "experimented" before with another ex-bf, with *slight* penetration (ie, the tip), and when me and current guy tried that, i asked if he still considered my virginity intact, since there was no hymen breakage. he thought long and hard, and said "i wouldnt think you are a virgin anymore then", and i told him i had done that before, to which he replied, "well, then you havent been a virgin fora while!". so i thought "what the hell's stopping me then?? i'm going for it!" and i did, and it was fun :) nothing earth-shattering of course, but no regrets. Myboy was AWESOME about it, and we are very open with each other on the topic. Communication is key!

And ya, im pretty open about this to anyone, so if that was more information than any of you needed to know, im sorry :)

it's still a new thing for me, but i imagine like with most things, it will get better with practise! :)

my favourite quote on the subject of virginity:
"I'm a non-practising virgin!"

:D

"it's still a new thing for me, but i imagine like with most things, it will get better with practise! :)"

Here here!!! :-D

-- Pauley

but black and white, if you've had a penis all the way inside you, you are not a virgin anymore!

so a victim of rape is not a virgin, then?

I'm sorry, but you cannot decide for someone else what label to use. That's a decision only for an individual, if they choose to even make a distinction in the first place.

so a victim of rape is not a virgin, then?

no, they wouldnt be a virgin. that would suck�horrendously, and they can claim that outside of rape they are still a virgin and that would be kosher.

I'm sorry, but you cannot decide for someone else what label to use. That's a decision only for an individual, if they choose to even make a distinction in the first place.

it's not UP to me to give anyone a label. if someone wants to claim they are a virgin even after they've had sex, fine, if thats what they want to label themself. Hell, i can label myself Queen of the Cheesemonkeys, who is gonna refute that?. All i am saying is once you've done the act, virginity is gone.

All i am saying is once you've done the act, virginity is gone.

...by your definition.

you're assuming that your definition is absolute.

So if I'd had a penis all the way inside me before, but never had sex with a woman, am I a virgin? See it is STILL complicated. :P

And ya, im pretty open about this to anyone, so if that was more information than any of you needed to know, im sorry :)

There is no such thing as TMI when it comes to sexuality! Why the heck didn't I go into human sexuality in college? Oh, right, I was afraid of it back then. (sigh)

So if I'd had a penis all the way inside me before, but never had sex with a woman, am I a virgin?

lol, if that's the case AJ, i gotta meet these miracle kids of yours! :D

Didn't say that was MY story. Just sayin!

i had sexual contact for the first time this summer. it was with a woman. it was somewhat impulsive, and ended up causing a bunch of messy and unpleasant emotional stuff.

i don't regret it though, and do consider it to be the "loss of my virginity". i learned a lot of lessons i needed to learn from it. despite all the weird mind stuff it caused, while it was happening it was... undescribably enjoyable. :D

I didn't lose my virginity, I gave it away. I literally picked the closest bed. I was tired of being a virgin, and didn't like the title anymore, so I had really bad sex with the roommate of a friend, and then I wasn't a virgin anymore. case closed.

mine, um, was kind of similar. people seemed to have all of these ideas of me because i was "technically" a virgin, & i really felt that this conception of me was not doing me any good, & i couldn't relate to what the lack of penile penetration was supposed to say about me.

i wouldn't describe my first time as fun, & i did it with someone i didn't love even a little bit (a mutual state), but who i'd known for a long time & knew i could trust. but i've never regretted it, as i had intercourse exactly when & how i wanted.

i've made love, fooled around etc. on many other occasions, before & after, that were more significant. however, i do consider that the moment i stopped being a virgin, & people couldn't talk down to me on that subject anymore.

Exactly. There's a difference between virgin, "technical" virgin, making love, having sex, and bumpin' uglies.�� It's all in the way that you wish to� perceive it :)

and btw, I'm now taking human sexuality in college... i'm only on chapter 4, and i know way more about the human reproductive system than i care to!

but yay for finding someone to be in love with bc now i have someone i wanted for over two years and the sex is GREAT.