age gaps, and that.

okay. i've been thinking about this a lot recently and have been given several differing opinions on the matter, and i was wondering what everyone here thought. so (i'm getting there), i have a question (or several): do you have a problem with age gaps in relationships? do you find it irrelevant how old a person is that you're attracted to? what's the oldest or youngest person you'd consider having a relationship with, or is it just not an issue? do you get grossed out by old guys who date young women (or vice versa)? are you, or have you ever, been in a relationship with someone who is considerably older/younger than you?

(will the questions ever end? eek!) :D

personally, I have no problem with age gaps in a relationship.
I do not believe that age is an accurate assessment of a person's character/personality/maturity/suitability for a relationship. To me, age is nothing but a number, a huge and often inaccurate generalization, a classification used for reference. Often people think that it is wrong to have a relationship with somebody older/younger than you, especially around the teenage years, because they are at a different stage of development than you and may have different needs and desires than you, emotionally and romantically and sexually and mentally and everythingly. I understand that this is true for some people...but i don't believe it's based on age, I think it's just based on the individual situation and the maturity levels of both people.

For me personally, everything having to do with relationships is *really* fuzzy for me right now, and *really* difficult to explain...but there have often been cases when people who I've desired to have relationships with have been somewhat older than me...and I did not/do not desire relationships with them *because* they're older, nor feel that this is a factor in my liking them at all. I understand it *would* be quite controversial if I were to be in a romantic relationship with them, and we'd have to use discretion...I recognize that the issue exists in society, I just don't feel it is a factor in *my* feelings towards people.

well I've only ever been in one relationship (there are thoes that would argue that I have infact been in multiple relationships, I choose to ignore them. its a horrible rumor.) and he is a year younger than me. but I have been attracted to men (and women) of basicly all age groups and I feel that for me personaly not only does age not matter, but sex doesn't matter. whoa now. I mean the sex of the idividual not sex as in the action....let us be perfectly clear. sex is essential to my life. um, but I'm not... what I mean to say is... *just walk away*

Personally I think that a 21 year, 2 month, 6 day, age gap is ideal. But that's just me.

Seriously though. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. It has to be taken on a case by case basis.

that about how much we're apart by... are you saying we are perfect for eachother? ;-)

Not a big deal. My parents have a 13 year age difference. They've been together for over 24 years and are very happy. I think maturity plays a huge role in a relationship. More than anything being happy is what counts.
Sarah

I think it's not a big deal when there's a 5+ year difference. Unless I'm the older of the two, because that would make the other person 16 or younger... umm.. no, not interested. But older, sure!

I've never been in anything even close to a "relationship" with someone less than 7 or so years older than I. (That's not to say I've never been attracted to anyone my own age...I certainly have, it just never went anywhere.) Still, I have a problem with some age gaps...not depending so much on the number of years in the gap as on the ages of the two people. The difference between, say, 15 and 20, for example, is bigger than the difference between 20 and 25...etc.

I wouldn't want to be the older in a relationship. For some reason I'm just not big on the relationships where the woman is the older. I have no clue why.
Sarah

age gaps of any size are bad. I won't date anyone who wasn't born on January 25, 1977.

er, wait. ok, so basically, I think it depends on the people involved. if they can deal with it, there's no problem. of course, other people won't always see it that way, but assuming the relationship exists for the "right reasons," the people who judge the relationship as being something else would do best to not say anything.

that said, I've heard "half plus seven" thrown around a lot, and, in fact, use it as a guideline myself. because it tends to work out - the idea is that your acceptable minimum should be half your age plus 7. so if you're 20, you can date a 17 year old, but not younger. if you're 30, 22 is your acceptable lower limit. of course, those are just good general guidelines, not hard and fast rules.

personally, I feel that until I hit 30, I won't rule out anyone as long as she's over 18. but once I'm 30, I doubt I'd want to date anyone who is still in college, simply because we'd be at very different points in our lives. (that's not to say I wouldn't if the opportunity came up - I wouldn't say "Sorry, you're not old enough" to a 20-year-old.)

but for some reason, the other way around seems weird to me. maybe it's because 95% of the women I've been attracted to have been younger than me, or the fact that I'm not in college anymore - after all, 26 is the lower limit (using "half plus seven") for someone who's 38. I just can't see myself with a 38-year-old. by 38, people are very established in life, and have, for up to 16 years, been working towards what they want. I'm not even close to that yet.

As others have stated, it has more to do with the individuals involved no matter what there ages are. At least it sounds good in theory. I never expected to get to try it out. But then I met and married Robin, who is 23 years younger than I am. We are in some ways in different places in our lives but that's ok, we both are pretty flexible and we manage to both get what we need. I suppose it helps that we are totally nuts about each other.
I have found it kind of amusing to try to gross people out by pointing out that I am 6 months younger than her mother, or that Robin is only 3 yrs. older than my son. Most people have been pretty positive though.

My fiance is 7 years younger than I am, but you'd never think it. Age is just a number, it's more about maturity than age. You can have a really mature 21 year old, and a really immature 30 year old. I don't believe there is a hard and fast rule beyond a certain age.

Early on, there can be an important difference in age in terms of life experience. So someone who is 15 doesn't have the same experiences than someone who is 25. But as you get older in age (say into the twenties) then the difference in life experiences becomes less, so the importance of the age difference becomes less.

i agree, it has to be taken on a case-by-case basis. for example, gordon is too old for me. anthony stewart head is not. :)

The funny thing is that Carey isn't too young for me.

My wife is 32 years older than me, and we get on really well. I think that the big age gap is the reason why it works so well. I'm really happy and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She is wonderful

I don't know how I missed this topic. I didn't know it existed until the new contribution bumped it.

I think age gaps are pretty irrelevant for the most part. There are exceptions for this on the lower end of the scale, though. I think 18 years of age is a pretty good cutoff for dating unless you're 21 or less. I just think there is so much development emotionally in the teen years that you can't rely on people not being taken advantage of.

There is a 10 year age gap between me and MyPaul. (27 and 37). It doesn't often make any difference. The only time it's really addressed is when reminiscing and I like to tease...when he talks about college and I compare, saying I wasn't even in Junior High yet. :) But in our lives in the present it makes no difference.

I dated a 20 year old when I was 14. I thought it was perfectly fine. In retrospect I see that I was naive and he was incredibly immature, emotionally. :) I probably would have been a perfect target for a pedophile...I thought I was so mature and could handle anything and "age is just a number". At that age, I think age is a bit more than a number. :)

I can't see myself dating a younger man, but I could see myself dating a younger woman. I don't quite know why that is, save for the fact that most men younger than I am seem a little lacking. But even that's becoming less and less true as I get older. Nate, for instance, is younger than I am but I don't see him as a young guy. (No, Becca, I'm not saying I have a hankerin' for the nateness. :) )

So I guess...lower cutoff (for ME) probably 20 or so, no upper cutoff.

Considering my man is 20 years my senior; I have no problem with age gaps. I understand that the age factor is irrelevant when it comes to connecting with someone. We have been together for over 2 years now and plan on marriage and children soon :-)

I believe that people who advertise their age-gap relationships are ridiculous...there is no need for that. Just carry on like everyone else; don't give us a bad name! We already have to fight all those names like, 'trophy wife and gold diggers'. Enough already :-)� People who have issues with age- gap relationships are just uneducated in that area, thats all.

because we'd be at very different points in our lives.

That's really the main issue for me. I date with the hopes to find a life-partner, so that limits the number of people with whom I'd have a relationship. It's not just emotional maturity, but also short- and long- term goals. Whether s/he will want to have a family right away, or never - is important to me. Just like it's important to me to find a partner who wants to create a progressive Jewish home.

At 25 I dated a guy who was 35. The age gap wasn't really a problem. The fact that he was a schmuck...that was a problem.

Good for you!�

Also, I bid you a fond welcome to FHDC!!!!

I totally swoon over older men. I think the oldest one I ever drooled over was 41 years older than I was. But, alas, none of them ever reciprocated. On the other hand, I am completely turned off by younger men. weird. My husband is 3 years older than I am. La.

Well, as I've been rambling on about this incessantly lately, I may as well out it on the forum.

I just started dating a girl. She's 17, I'm gonna be 24 in two weeks. Now, normally the whole 17 thing would be a big red flag to me, as I've noticed that most girls that age are extremely immature, and they'd probably see me as a red flag too, since I'm a divorced parent. This girl seems quite different though. I mean, we've both stumbled across our hangups regarding the age thing....she is having trouble because she doesn't know how to explain me to her parents (only a problem when she's not at college), and I'm just feeling really old, and it bugs me that we can't go to a bar together. (BTW, in case you were wondering, 16 is the legal age of consent in Massachusetts). But she's amazingly mature....she already has a career and makes more money than me....so I'm sure we can get past these initial stumbling blocks.

awesome.

Within reason (and this is) love knows no age boundries.
:)

Smatts and I are happy as can be...I think it just depends on where your heart and head is at. We just feel very blessed to be together. The 15 year age difference has never been a problem. No one can predict the future though, so we just live in the moment and enjoy what we have. Being best friends first I think has made it that much better.

So you wait till after you are married to tell me? Tease.