Quotes!

Me, like most of my family is a quote geek.� What are your favorite quotes?

If there was ever a day I didn't
want to be at work, today is the day.
Well, and yesterday.� And tomorrow, probably. -Mike MacDonald

While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings. -Dave Barry

Why use a big word, when a diminutive one will suffice? - ??

I play it cool
and dig all jive,
That's the reason
I stay alive,
My motto,
As I live and learn
is:
Dig and Be Dug
In Return. - "Mirror" -- Langston Hughes

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.
-Edmund Burke

The other day, while sitting in a traffic jam, I thought to myself, "Why does this only happen to me?" -Chad Rubey

�
When my girlfriend is mad at me, she refers to me as her "half-ass boyfriend." I get my revenge by referring to her as my "ass-and-a-half girlfriend." - Hugh Ringling

"Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional" - My dad (though I`m sure he stole it from somebody)

"Oragami?!"� "Oragam YOU mutha fu**a!"� - Casey and I walking past a booth at Vegetarians of Washington convention, him wondering why there was an oragami booth there.� Me being a dork.

"Music self-played is happiness self-made." from TMBG shirt.

"The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities." -- Ayn Rand

"Happiness is the exercise of vital powers along the lines of excellence, in a life affording them scope" -- Aristotle

I just got this list of quotes today in my email.� I thought some of them were pretty good.� There weren't any names to go with the quotes, so I don't know who to give credit to.� Grr.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead, Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple car payments.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

If you lend someone $20, and you never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you haven't much education, you must use your brain.

Never mess up an apology with an excuse.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

How selfish soever man may be supposed, there are evidently some principles in his nature, which interest him in the fortune of others, and render their happiness necessary to him, though he derives nothing from it, except the pleasure of seeing it.
- The Theory of Moral Sentiments, Part I Section I Chapter I - Adam Smith

Nature and wisdom never are at strife.
- Plutarch 

I got a real funny feelin I'm about to fall down. I hope I find my way to the ground. I'd hate to spend the whole night floating around, in the condition I'm in. 
guess... :)

Shared Joy is increased
Shared Pain is lessened.

--Spider Robinson

"No!� Try not!� Do!� Or do not.� There is no try." - Yoda

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever
--Shane Falco (Keanu Reeves)

Me? I'm just another duck on the pond.
--Coach McGinty (Gene Hackman)

Are you radioactive, pal? Pal, radioactive.
(John Berryman, from _Dream Songs_)
This one works best as call and response, but there is a rather limited number of people who are willing to indulge me.

If you're squeamish, don't prod the beach rubble.
(Sappho)

Love is not love that alters where it alteration finds.
(Shakespeare)

I don't want to buy anything, sell anything or process anything. I don't want to process anything bought or sold, or buy anything processed or sold, or sell anything bought, sold, or processed.
(John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in _Say Anything_)

No doubt in time everything is sweet sunshine
But in the meantime mankind is having trouble where to draw the line
We still don�t respect and yet I thought we had intellect
Sometimes I think the music is the only hope we have for revolution

--Jay Kay (Revolution 1993)

And all along this path I tread
my heart betrays my weary head
with nothing but my love to save
from the cradle to the grave

--Eric Clapton

"No rest for the wicked" and "No pity for the weak"

two lines that I (an insomniac) live by

"Never trust a tall dwarf.� He's lying about something."
"Frankly, I'm agnostic.� I believe the universe is innocent until proven guilty"
"Common sense isn't."
"Malpractice makes malperfect."
"Actually, misery only -likes- company.� It prefers loneliness."
"The universe doesn't give first warnings, or second chances."
"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools.� Let's start with typewriters."
"The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky."
"Nature abhors a hero.� For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy.� For another, how can it be survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?"

all compliments of Solomon Short, an internal literary name used by David Gerrold.

�-= george =-

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." -Homer Simpson

"to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you someone else, is to fight the hardest battle and to keep on fighthing"

The moral majority is neither.

�I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables.� I
was clearing them for take off.� I had them all lined up
outside.� People thought it was an outdoor cafe.� I said, "No,
these are leaving at 3."� They were going to fire me anyway,
because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the
inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get
dirty.

-steven wright

all his other quotes can be found here: http://www.ai.mit.edu/people/ceb/jokes.html

:)

Figure it out for yourself, my lad
You've all the greatest of men have had--
Two arms, two hands, two legs, two eyes,
And a brain to use if you would be wise.
With this equipment they all began
So start for the top and say, "I can."

from Equipment
Edgar A. Guest

Yeah I was with it. But they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it. And what it is is strange and scary. It happened to me it'll happen to you.

Abraham Simpson.

"Whats with you today?"-A.J. "Whats with today today?"-Lucas (Empire Records)

"Damn the man, SAVE THE EMPIRE!" -Mark (Empire Records)

"You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked, I'll probably see you naked again" ("Blame it on Me"-BNL)

*sigh* I'm such a loser...

I list quotes all over the place. Here's one that I only posted once.

You win some, you lose some. Wouldn't that be nice
--Charles Shultz

honestly one of my favorites:

"For every woman who, as a girl, waited hours by the phone waiting for some boy to call, there is a man who, as a boy, could not forse his shaking fingers to dial the phone."

I forget who said it.

I was waiting for someone to do something to fix the problem,�until the day I realized that I was somebody. Then I thought, "You know.. I don't care if it gets done."� - My Dad

Always appreciate your partners flaws, because without them, they'd have found someone better.� - ??

"Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there." - Radiohead, There There

"I don't want the world. I just want your half." - TMBG, Anna Ng

"We lived in the noise and the sweet amber poison." -Moxy Fr�vous, The Drinking Song (best description of beer EVER)

"In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." -The Buddha

There are many more. There's no way I could list all of my favorites.

(best description of beer EVER)

oh!
After all these years, the line makes sense. lol!

wow.
*smacks self upside head*

Nate. You are so dense. :)

hmm. I always thought it was whiskey.

shows my leanings a mite bit, eh?

I agree. I think its whiskey... cause they're talking about hard liquor in the song... bourbon and scotch and rum.

Hm. I suppose you have a point. Even so, it's a damn awesome poetic description, is it not?

"I didn't know you had a sensitivity to dairy.."
"Yes, sometimes, I'll think about cheese, and cry and cry."
My dad and I

"Please be careful with me, I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way." -Jewel (pre-slut days)

"there is no future

there is no past

i live this moment as my last

there's only us

there's only this

forget regret or life is yours to miss

no other road

no other way

NO DAY BUT TODAY"����� ~jonathan larson (from the show that changed my life)

I *heart* Rent :)

YAY!!!! thats MY favorite quote....

and then theres "Love is Hot, Truth is Molten" - Donovan

"peace, love and women shouldn't have to cook, man" --peggy bundy from married with children, i believe

this body
this body holding me
be my reminder here that i am not alone
in this body
this body holding me
feeling eternal
all this pain is an illusion

--Tool (Parabola)

I like these:

"I embrace my desire to feel the rhythm, to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow, to feel inspired to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain, to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human."
-Tool, Lateralus

ok, you got me going now :)

"See, I think drugs have done some good things for us, I really do, and if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor: go home tonight, take all your albums, take all your tapes, and all your cd's and burn them. because you know what? the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your life through all the years? rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreal fucking high on drugs."

--Tool (Third Eye)

That's actually Bill Hicks

ooc is that voice clip used elsewhere?

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

--Excerpt from Desiderata

Desiderata is awesome, go read it if you've never before. :)

OK, I know it's not really a quote but I just *love* this. It's such a Canadian thing to say:

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I'm Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you'd never do that.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I'm sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you've rebuilt it! It's very nice.

I'm sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. Because we've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

For 22 minutes, I'm Anthony St. George, and I'm sorry.

One of the Emcees at Barbershop International read that very letter during the AIC (Association of International Champions) show on July 3rd in Montreal, Canada.� Caused quite the debate on the barbershop newsgroup.

i just love the mental image:

"sur mes rêves fragiles" --Moxy Fruvous (Morphée)

in the context of how i look at the song i (loosely) translate it as "in my broken dreams"

unrelated, but i just *love* the sound of emerveillé

"There's an ache in every corner of the heart for the ones who are miles away." -Peter Mulvey, Out Here

"I know your address. I ring the bell. I bring you flowers and a twenty-two with shells." -Barenaked Ladies, Straw Hat and Dirty Old Hank

"Our lives seem to be modeled after prose on shampoo bottles." -Eddie From Ohio, Monotony

"'Guns don't kill people, uh, people do,' ... I think the gun helps." -Eddie Izzard

"'Guns don't kill people, uh, people do,' ... I think the gun helps." -Eddie Izzard

"And Stone Henge - one of the biggest Henges in the world!"

"Cake or Death?" "Cake please." "Well, we're all out of cake. We only had three pieces and didn't expect such a rush." "So my choice is 'or death'..........I'll have the chicken!"

"People go beserk at the point! They come running in from other rooms just to go 'FIVE GOLD RINGS!' "

"Well done! You must get up very early in the morining! I'd hate to see your diary...'get up death death death death death death death lunch death death death death afternoon tea' "

"Jesus Christ!" "Dad, don't take my name in vain!" "Jeezy Chreezy!" "Dad, don't call me 'Jeezy Chreezy'!"

hee hee hee hee....i heart that concert!!!

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits" ~ anon

"Anything can be achieved in small deliberate steps. But there are times you need the courage to take a great leap; you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." ~ David Lloyd George

"Every step you take on earth should be a prayer. The power of a pute and good soul is in every person's heart and will grow as a seed as you walk in a sacred manner." ~ Charmaine White Face of the Oglala Lakota

"Denial is a sickness, people get it like religion." ~ Stephen Fearing

"Never eat more than you can lift" ~ Miss Piggy

Ok I've used these a million times but I have to quote my favorite song 1952 Vincent Black Lightning.

But he smiled to see her cry
and my very favorite.
Said James, in my opinion
Nothing in this world
Beats a 52 Vincent and a redheaded girl

I'll throw in my other standbyes.
These are by James Branch Cabell

Mundus Vult Decipi (The world wishes to be deceived)
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true

I must despise the world that does not know that music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy.
--Beethoven

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true

oo.. this is on my email sig at work.�my other favourite is of course, "Remember how dumb the average person is? 50% are dumber than that."� i believe anyone who works in a "customer-facing" position (i.e. retail, customer service) will come to realise that one very quickly. :-)

Amen, sistah!

oh so true.

"They say that absence makes the heart grow fungus." -Barenaked Ladies, Blame it on Me

Love.� Lovelovelove that line.� :)

Also "Forgive me, Father, but I'm fallin' in love, and that's all I have for confession today" and "So, you wanna play mind games?� Well, that's fine.� Go ahead.� Lalala, I can't hear you!"

One of my all-time favorite songs.� As you may be able to tell.� :)

some great (imho) dubya quotes stolen from http://www.columbiacentral.com/dubya/

"It's going to require numerous IRA agents."
--On Gore's tax plan, Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 10, 2000

"They misunderestimated me."
--Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."
--U.S. News & World Report, April 3, 2000

"I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember."
--On discussing the Vietnam War as an undergraduate at Yale, in the Washington Post, July 27, 1999

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator..."
--Washington, DC, Dec 18, 2000, during his first trip to Washington as President-Elect

"People are strange
when you're a stranger
faces look ugly
when you're alone
women seem wicked
when you're unwanted
streets are uneven
when you're down"
--Doors (People are strange)

"That's why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot,
hits the bottle and goes back to the rock
Fuckin and fighting: it's all the same
Livin' with louie dog's the only way to stay sane
Let the lovin come back to me"
--Sublime (What I've got)


"Jan had told him many times
It was you to me who taught
In jersey, everything's legal
as long's you don't get caught"
--Travelling Wilburys (Tweeter and the monkey man)


"Things change in the time it takes to breathe
But I can't stand to see her hands on you
Cause you were my religion too..."
--Sass Jordan (You don't have to remind me)


"And in the end
the love you take
is equal to the love
that you make"
--Beatles (Golden Slumbers)

A foolish consistancy is the hobgoblin of little minds.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson--

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetant.
--Isaac Asimov--

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

--Albert Einstein--

When we go through libraries, convinced of these principles, what havoc must we make? If we take in our hand any volume - of divinity or school metaphysics, for instance - let us ask, Does it contain any abstract reasoning about quantity or number? No. Does it contain any experiential reasoning about matters of fact and existence? No. Then throw it in the fire, for it can contain nothing but sophistry and illusion.

--David Hume--

A play doesn't end... the audience just has to leave.

-Jim Moody

I'm sick and tired of characters in plays who go on and on about how they can't communicate. If they can't communicate the least they can do is shut up.

Tom Lehrer

That is a paraphrase.

From 'As Good As It Gets':

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: Easy. I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.


Carol Connelly: Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me!
Beverly Connelly: Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist.


Melvin: Where did they teach you to talk like this? At some Panama City sailor-wanna-hump-hump bar, or is this getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else . . . we're all stocked up here.


Melvin Udall: I can't do this without you. I'm afraid he might pull the stiff one-eye on me.

Love that film.

Melvin: "Don't worry, you'll be back on your knees in no time."

I just remembered a great line George Segal says in "A touch of class."

I must be god because every time I pray I find I'm talking to myself.

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reasons for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.

Society can overlook murder, adultery or swindling; it never forgives preaching of a new gospel.

It is a general popular error to suppose the loudest complainers for the public to be the most anxious for its welfare.

Spied at the grocery just last night:

"There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary and those who don't."

A friend of mine has that shirt. it's at thinkgeek.com

I need that shirt

When a man sits with a prety girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute- and it's longer than an hour. Thats relativity.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."

"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"

that movie about hyper-intelligent sharks? Deep Blue Sea? I swear I remember a quote similar to that made by L.L. Cool J. Something like, "grab a hot pan and a second can seem like an hour, put your hands on a hot woman and an hour can seem like a second. Thats relativity."� I love the other character's response: "I spent four years at Cal-Tech and thats the best physics explanation I've ever heard"

If all of scientific knowledge were destroyed and we had only one sentence that we could pass on to the next generation, what do you think that sentence would be?

I believe it is the simple fact that all things are made of atoms. Little particles that move around in constant motion, attracting each other when they are a little distance apart but repelling when being squeezed into one another. O.K.? But if all of life, if a stream of water, can be nothing but a pile of atoms, then I ask you an even more in-ter-esting question: How much more is possible?

Is it possible that this thing walking back and forth in front of you, talking to you, raising and lowering his chalk, is a great glob of these atoms in a very complex arrangement, such that the sheer complexity of it staggers the imagination as to what it can do?

Know that when we say we are a pile of atoms, we do not mean that we are merely a pile of atoms, but a pile of atoms which might well have the possibilities which you see standing before you! - Richard Feynman

The only way to end up with a million dollars in folk music is to start off with two million. - Utah Phillips.

Of course it's a nice day. It's the only one we've been given ----Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan

I just found an old Diary Entry of mine that has a list of quotes from the last chapter of Walden. They are really good.

The universe is wider than our view of it. (page 285)

Nay be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you, opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought. (page 286)

Sometimes we are inclined to class those who are once-and-a-half-witted with the half-witted, because we appreciate only a third part of their wit. (page 289)

Shall a man go and hang himself because he is of the race of pygmies, and not be the biggest pygmy that he can? Let every one mind his own business, and endeavor to be what he was made. (page 290)

If a man does not keep pace with his companion, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. (page 290) Did you know this was where the quote was from?

However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The faultfinder will find faults evening paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. (page 292)

Money is not required to buy one necessary of the soul. (page 293)

The life in us is like the water in the river. It may rise this year higher than man has ever known it, and flood the parched uplands; even this may be the eventful year, which will drown out all our muskrats. (page 296)

In the same entry I found something that I said that I forgot that I think makes a good quote.

Their ideas can fit in wallet yet they feel the need to fill a steamer trunk.

I thank this thread for reminding me that I had a whole sheaf of favourite/interesting/strange quotes.

Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music.
--Sergei Rachmaninov

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
--Mel Brooks

I can only wait for the final amnesia, the one that can erase an entire life.
--Luis Buñuel

"Some guy hit my fender and I said unto him...I said, "Be fruitful and multiply", but not in those words.
--Woody Allen

The world is a sketchy place. Don't fight it. Instead, sketchify yourself and jump into the fray.

If you have no voice, SCREAM.
If you have no legs, RUN.
If you have no hope, INVENT.
What if anything were possible?
--Alegría (Cirque du Soleil)

Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

Or, as I shall be known from now on, The Black...Vegetable! No...what about: The Black...Adder!

Once I was the King of Spain...and now I work at the Pizza Pizza!

To bait fish withall: if it feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me, and hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses, scorned my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what is his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed with the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his suffrance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard, but I will better the instruction.
--Shylock, "The Merchant of Venice" Act III, Scene I

You may have tangible wealth untold: caskets of jewels and coffers of gold. But richer than I, you can never be...I had a mother read to me.
--Strickland Gillilan, "The Reading Mother"

It's remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the patten of insanity.

People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when bathed in light but their true beauty can only be seen in the darkness when a light shines from within.

Another drink and I'll be under the host.
--Dorothy Parker

I cannot be who I am and I cannot be who I am not. Therefore, who the heck am I?

...But because I can't discuss fallen women as nonchalantly as I might talk about these chairs, I'm given treatment, called insane, and pitied!
--from "A Nervous Breakdown" by Anton Chekhov

There are days when you find your answer.
- Liz Phair

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him."
- Buddha

Basically just everything in Eddie From Ohio's 'The Bird.'

We should make like hockey sticks and get the puck out of here!

If you were DNA helicase, I'd let you unzip my genes.

I have a black belt in Haiku. And a black vest in the cleaners.

What do you get when you mix a bag of M&Ms with a bag of Skittles? S&M's!

Why do you need a permit for busking? You don't...just run away when the police come along!

Something has got to hold it together. I'm saying my prayers to Elmer, the Greek god of glue.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Every kind of music is good, except the boring kind."
--Gioacchino Rossini

Sayonara. Not to be confused with cyanide, which is, of course, goodbye in any language.

The Brett Principle: The idiot should not be the only one who benefits.

2000 B.C.--Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D.--That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D.--That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D.--That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D.--That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D.--That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Fear is the mind killer; I will let it pass over and through me, and when the storm is over, only I will remain.

Kids in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause kids.

If you're not going to be a good example, you're just going to have to be a bad warning.

Reality is for people who lack imagination!

Sometimes I wonder..."Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" And then it hits me...

I'm more frustrated than a colour-blind kid trying to solve a Rubik's cube!

There's a fine line between innovation and insanity.

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Music is like candy; you always get rid of the rapper.

It's not fat, it's...potential muscle!

"¿Qué?"
--Manuel from Fawlty Towers

If you don't know the answer, change the question.

Otto:...you have great bones and dress really interestingly. Can I kiss you?
Ken: (without any hint of a stutter) Oh, no you fucking can't!
--from "A Fish Called Wanda"

I told you, I'm not the smartest pear on the apple tree!

The following statement is false. The previous statement is true.

Don't keep someone guessing too long--they're sure to find the answer somewhere else.

"I'm looking for backing for an unauthorized autobiography that I am writing. Hopefully, this will sell in such huge numbers that I will be able to sue myself for an extraordinary amount of money and finance the film version in which I will play everybody."
--David Bowie

"The trouble with having an open mind is that people come along and put things in it" - Will Ferguson's father

"If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him" - Voltaire

"the only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage" - unknown

"When you do something right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all" - the 'creator' in futurama

some old ones, probably familiar to some of you. Two that I used as my sig lines back on the alt.mf list.

"Death is but a doorway... Here, let me hold that for you..."

"I may not have the tunic, but I have the heart of a Mouseketeer"

and a few others. Some I've had put on buttons.

"Practice Pro-Active Phrenology."

"I've packed my emotional baggage, and I'm ready for my ego-trip now."

"You're hear to save my soul? I'm here to test your faith."

"If all the worlds a stage, I want to operate the trap door"

and something from a song.

"the sorrow and regret in the whisper of your voice.... Never promise anyone forever." (Mission UK)

“Cheese, you fucks!”
~ Dana Gould

"I love you from the bottom of my spleen."
~ Garfield 2/13/08

Jon: We're seeing Desire Among the Daffodils.
Garfield: Sounds violent.
~ Garfield 9/9/07

"The toilet that doesn't use water, it uses fire!"
~ Keith Olbermann

"I've been getting on this plane, you know, for 42 years. Why can't I get on the plane?"
~ Senator Edward Kennedy

And this!