Lyric help please!!

Sugar plum joy in the wings of the doves

Flying around our heads in the cotton candy forest

Unleashed out of the gates, like the rainbow horses, you fly

I chased after you, but I knew our time had gone by

The reflections in the pond gave way to your brilliance

Winsome grin, and sparkly eyes (OR!! Winsome skin, and sparkly guise.. or whatever combination)

     Can you tell me our time on Sunbeam Island

     Didn't mean a thing?

     I always had my doubts

     It seems you've proved them right

     You don't belong here with the spice,

     And sunny day delights

.................................................

So I need your opinions on the grin/skin, eyes/guise bit. Please!!!

hmmm...if you can change it to be about Harry Potter, there's free writers advice at http://www.sugarquill.com

:D

or.. how about oO win some gin, good for the thighs..Oo

I'm in a silly mood, smack/spank me if you must!

~J~

You'd like that wouldn't you?

is that a trick question?

*grin*

It can be whatever you want it to be baby! :^P

**rowr**

heh...

I like coffee house songs...

oO Smelly cat, smelly cat....what are they feeding youooo...Oo

Since I posted this... an HOUR ago. I've recieved a  complaint about it being shit. Well,  IT ISN'T A SERIOUS THING!!! lol. Do I have to write well all the time??? This is a coffee song. Get over it! It doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't have to be good. It was fun to write, and even if you do think it's crap I'm still going to use it, because I like it. :^) Lighten up!!

I really am.

If that's critisism.. shut up. Otherwise Thanks!

I vote "grin" and "eyes" ... it creates a nice description of the face.  "winsome skin" has the lispy sound going on and "sparkly guise" doesn't go with the grin.

Thank you!! That's what I wanted! Casey liked the skin and guise, so I told him I'd let you guys decide. Yay! @ me winning so far.

I'd agree... the first one flows better... rolls off the tongue a little easier.

-- Pauley