eek gad want to rewind time want to melt into the floor or dig a hole to die in.

Are you going to name your first born after me?� You should. Unless it's a boy, then you shouldn't.�
Sorry.� I know how that feels, I've made that slip once.� He did leave though.� It felt, when I'd realized I'd said it, like being dropped into a deep pool of freezing water, your stomach clenches, you can't breathe, instant headache,� yeh.. dude..
*hugs*� Words like that are scary, something I've realized in the last few years from dating so much, is that if you're afraid of something, if you have concerns about your relationship, if you tell him/her what your needs are, or if you make a slip like that, and that person makes you feel bad about it, or takes off because of it, that is the wrong person.� So.. yay for Talcott, not being an ass!!!� Love you Zilly!

Commitment is really a scary thing, because of the finality of it all.� Your spouse is the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with.� That's a pretty big decision.� But that fact that it has crossed your mind with Talcott has put a smile on my face.� I think it's fairly obvious he's the one for you, and even though it seems scary, it's the right thing.� You rock.

o.O

I can't offer reassurance to you, as much as I'd like to.

Commitment CAN be a scary thing.� I know friends who avoided the "R" word for YEARS....while living together monogamously.� NO ONE used the R word.�

I can remember hanging out at my fave coffee shop in college (okay, THAT sounds so "college") and seeing a "too much coffee man" cartoon strip,�only it was "co-dependent man."�� EEeeeeyah.� It hit a bit too close to home for me, engaged like I was.� (Er, We were.)

I can also remember what a hellish time Year 1 was in the marriage.� I figure: if a woman can get through the first year in one piece without killing her husband, she has a fighting chance at keeping that relationship.� :)� (Doesn't THAT make you feel all warm and fuzzy??)

It took a long, LONG time for me to reconcile the "me" in "us" and "we," not to mention that I had to enforce the "I'm not 'Mrs. Him,'" concept.� *shakes head*� I didn't�become a different person when I got married.� I'm still very much ME.

Anyway.� That's my little tangent for the afternoon.� :)

I just think its jumping the gun to use words like I did when we haven't met...

I'd like the chance at something though.

*very muddled*

It wasn't official, but Bruce had asked me to marry him before we met in person...and I said yes.� So far, so good.� One word of caution: be careful.� :)

Teri brings up some interesting points.� Commitment is frightening.� Not on�a conceptual level (I think that the concept is reassuring), but the implementation is often flawed.� Especially for people like myself, who have an unflattering self image.�

Teri also leaves off a lot of the 'interesting' stories from the pre-marriage days.� Being committed (*snicker*) is one thing, but some of the unexpected changes and random occurances make the pre-marriage incredibly stressful... especially if there's along distance involved.� The 928 miles between Bedford, IN, and Middletown, CT, helped cause�a lot�problems and insecurity (at least on my side of the phone).

Unlike Teri, I can offer some reassurance.� Commitment isn't as bad as everyone makes it sound... except for the distance.� Several of the "anti-relationship" people were generally opposed to anything society accepted (that applies to pretty much everyone at Wesleyan... and a large portion of students at other liberal arts schools).�

Proximity doesn't make all the difficulty disappear.� But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know (ex-fiancee?).�

I'll finish this in a frum. :-)�

Heeee...I'm in Middletown, CT at this very moment. :)

Is that where you are moving FROM or TO?� It wasn't much of a college town, per se, but then again, I knew someone who got hit in the streets.� I might be biased.� (I saw first hand how the drivers sped up for the college kids...)

Hehehe neither, it's where I work. Aetna. I'm moving from Manchester to East Windsor.

You work for that souless cooperation!?? *pity*

I worked there for a summer & a winter and my mom has worked there for about 13 years and my brother is going on to his 5th year, I believe.� We live in Blue Bell, another Aetna town.�

Though the "free" healthcare is nice...

Yep I work with a lot of people based in Blue Bell. ANd yes I work for that soulless corporation. :) Been there 6 years now. Not my dream job but they pay me well.

I guess it did cross my mind, just on like a very deep subconsious level or soemthing...

Sorry if I made the wrong asumption. I'll shut up now.� :( * hugs *

I'm not sure what assumption you were making... I was just uneasy.

I guess... I... got the distinkt feeling that you thought we were togetherforever and getting hitched like tomorrow or something.

I don't think I'm clear on my feelings. I loves him. but I'm also damaged and scared out of my mind. I just think something like forever is very far away and I dunno if forever is somthing that anyone should sign on for with me. this is where he says something like, 'we'll just take this one day at a time" and in his head he's thinking about ways to unload me.

y'know, it doesn't necessarily having to imply anything deep because you joked about the word "husband". :) it doesn't automatically mean that you're hoping for something, trying to jinx it, or anything either way.

i can certainly understand how once it was said you'd feel weird about it

the subliminal mind is a strange and wonderful thing. you only need to read your diary back a couple entries (oh, hey, actually exactly 2 entries) to see the last mention of the whole adam-being-a-piece-of-shit-ruining-the-whole-commitment-thing for you. committment bothers you, it's on your mind (on some level) so you blurt.

i'm not trying to say that you should or shouldn't get married at some point, or that talcott is or isn't a good match. i am trying to say "no worries" in a roundabout fashion.

so... uhm... no worries, eh? :-)