its the 29th again....

there isn't anything that i could say, so i won't. my dad died 5 days back - just went through the same thing. i loves you. *hugs*

And my dead's death anniversary is coming up on January 6th. Christmas was already filled with sad memories for me because of his illness, and now my cat. Guess this is a sad time of year for many.

yeah I know. my brother struggled for over a year thru a comma and then when he came out of it to re-learn ALL his motor skils as if he was an infant. they moved him to a nursing home. at 20 years old he was surounded by old people who were dying. I hated it. christmas day we went to see him (it was 2 hours away) I got him a long sleved t-shirt, color purple, when we had to go thru his things I took it back. I used to wear it a lot, when I painted. two days after he passed my grandmother lost her battle with breast cancer... she died while I was reading to her. that afternoon I went to basketball practice, I was late. the punishment for tardiness was one lap around the track for each minute.

" you're 15 minutes late chouinard! 15 laps. NOW."
on my 10th lap the coach let me have a break for water, "want to tell me whats more important than being on time for your responibilities?"

"no, sir."

"well you're going to anyway, chouinard!"

"my grandmother died while I was talking to her this afternoon and I had to stay to give the corinor the specifics"

his eyes bulged and I saw him struggle to swallow what was undoubtably a suddenly dry throat. his eyes misted up and he look down at the grass, "you can have the day off... go home."

"I'd rather stay if its all the same, I have 5 more laps to go. a mile and a quarter, sir."

he looked at me with his head tilted to the side. he seemed to be trying to solve a puzzle, little did he know that it would only get harder as I progressed in life.

"if I stop doing what I'm suposed to do because of this it will only make it harder for me to return to my life later."

so I ran my laps and for the last mile my teammates ran beside me. it was one of the only times thoes girls weren't tearing me appart, a couple of them even hugged me.

Christmas is a sad time of year - it flat out is. There are so many expectations that we (meaning people, society, families, etc.) put on it that it's next to impossible to make it through the emotional maze unscathed.

Not to say that there aren't good times. When I went to visit my grandparents this year I went quite a few days before Christmas and got to spend a number of days totally uninterrupted with them. Normally there's the hustle and bustle of things, relatives trying to get help with computers, errands to run, people to visit... this year was very quiet and I got almost three whole days in before I got derailed with obligation. It was wonderful... the rest of the holiday sucked (although physical possessions are nice they aren't compensation enough) but those few quiet days were wonderful.

Just recently I've seen the "more suicides happen at Christmas" myth debunked, which was an eye-opener for me. I had always instinctively made the assumptions that Christmas=death. In fact, and bizarrely this would fit with the underlying religion, most suicides happen in Spring. Made me think.

Anyways, sucks. What do you say? What do you do? Most people seem content to pretend that tragedies never happened... tip-toe around issues and never acknowledge things. Maybe that's the way to be, I don't really know.

*huge hugs*

Every time I try to write this comment, it comes out wrong.

So maybe you'll get what I mean when I just *huge hugs*

"*huge hugs*" says it just fine. :-)

Love you Zillykins. :-) *more hugses*
Whole bunches just 'cause you're you.

I love explaining to people that my best friend's best girl is also one of the bestest people I know.

one of the best people you know? the low opinion I have of myself says you must have some pretty cruddy people in your vacinity... sorry. *grimace*

*shakes head* You don't have to be sorry for saying what you feel.

I happen to completely disagree with you on this one. But don't apologize for it.

See, I have this habit of finding the best sorts of people where others might not see them - sometimes where those same best sorts of people themselves don't see them.

It makes things interesting.

Maybe I should explain why you're one of the best that I know.

See, at the risk of opening a can of worms, you're one of the people I know that I not only trust, but Trust. Don't get much opportunity to exercise that, but it's true.

Puts you into a whole different (and much smaller) company of "best people". Above and beyond the "general" best people group.

I'm babbling again.

I sleep for like 12 hours, and I'm still babbly. I guess it's a Very Babbling New Year's for me.