I am the best zilpha I can be...

and you're wonderful.

*snuggles*
I wish I could have been there with you. You do deserve me, and I you.

I love you

*sigh* amore.

You're a good person Zilly. It's too bad some people can't see it. I know a lot of people, including me can. You have friends, a lot of them. I love you Zil, the world would be losing a lot if you weren't around.

ignoring everyone else,

i love you. we love you. you're wonderful.

if you got up tomorrow and accepted that we all love you and you are worthy then we'd still love you. ditto if you denied it until the universe died of heat death. you don't have to accept it on any level to be loved.

on an unrelated note, i find that bit about your mom interesting in the shrink-like way. first off, i renew my statement that your dad is a tool. secondly, i wonder if there is any correlation between the way that she copes with life and the way that you do.

relating to your dad specifically, in the last freudian psychology book i read (i hate freudian psychology but it's so colorful...) they named each of the psychological/personality traits. the schizophrenic disorder was subtitled "the unloved child", in the sense of the child being mistreated or treated in weird and wacky non-love non-helping ways.

i don't know any personality type or psychological term that would ever summarize the collection of experiences that have made up your life. you're way more good that you would ever know.

random theory and then i'll move onto other things, as i never know if i'm being clever / helpful or just being offensive. how about this: because of all the ass things in life that happened to you and your ass dad and your ass work, etc. etc., i figure that you should have turned out to be a murderous hurtful sociopath or something along those lines. but you've got too much goodness. maybe that's your mom's influence or your brothers, or whatever, i dunno. but all your outward kill/maim/hurt people energy turned inwards to bilpha because you're too good to let it out at other people. the thing that your deep-down self is missing is that you are as good as the people who you are protecting, and better because most people just lash out without ever thinking of everyone around them. if there were any practical way of doing it, i'd say focus your self anger at the people who deserve it. it's too bad mom and father ass are together, else you could just shut him out of your life entirely. but whatever. i'd draw a life-sized portrait (well, *i* wouldn't because i have no artistic ability but *you* could) of father ass, draw big cartoon X's across the eyes and burn it where it stands.

that's just me though. you know how it is, you hate to see someone you love in unnecessary pain. like everyone else, i'm not sure what needs to happen to absolve you of said pain. (and in case your negative side is answering as my negative side does, no, that's not a real answer)

sorry, longer than i meant to be. it's a topic close to my heart tho'

even my negative side loves you pachocho. :-)