Paint Your Tongue Black

One of my favorite Peanuts strips was an exchange between Peppermint Patty and Charlie Brown.

PP: Chuck can I stay at your house my father is going out of town on business?
CB: Why don't you just stay with your mother?
PP: My mother's dead Chuck
CB: I'm going to go home and paint my tongue black

We've all felt that way. What made you want to paint your tongue black?

When I was a kid I was playing the game Life with my friend Richard. In the middle of the game my next door neighbor Barbara walked in. She watched while we finished the game. There were spaces on the board that if you landed on them you had children. If you didn't have any by the time you reached a certain point you had to adopt. That is what happend to Richard. As a stupid rank I said, "Ha Ha, you had to adopt."

Barbara said, "What's wrong with being adopted?"

Barbara and her sister were adopted. I knew that. I totally wasn't thinking about it, or anything when I said it. I didn't think there was anything wrong with being adopted but I knew I had hurt her. I loved her and felt miserable. That was over 35 years ago and I still feel bad about it. I bet she doesn't even remember it. If I ever met her again I would ask.

I was hanging out with a bunch of friends when "Jane's" ride showed up. I came over and piped a cheerful "Hello, Jane's mom." to the lady who had come to pick her up. Boy did I feel like a horse's ass when she told me she was actually Jane's older sister. Turns out Jane was a late in life suprise baby and all her siblings were a bunch older. Good thing her mother didn't come. I might have called her "grandma."

My sister is 10 and a half years older than I am. When I was about 10 and she was 20 she took me to Coney Island. One of the barkers shouted at me, "Hey kid bring your mudder over here." It was pure Brooklyn.

I'm thirteen years older than my brother.

I am often called his mother.
My sister is often called his mother.
My mother is often called his grandmother.

it used to bug me, now I just laugh it off.

This is rather the reverse, but..

I was about 11 years old, and in disneyworld with my Nana, and while we were in line at a cafeteria I overheard two cafeteria workers arguing as to my sex. One was adamant that I was a boy (and I am) and the other that I was a girl. I was, well, quite overweight at that age and trying to grow out my hair, so I guess I can't blame them for finding me androgenous.

Maybe they thought I was too young for my ears to work, but when I told them I was a boy they became very quiet.

Anyone else know what it's like to be on the "other side"?

:)

I've been asked a few times in recent years if I'm a man or a woman. One time was in a subway station where I was cuddling with and kissing a girl... another was while walking a road in Westchester canvassing. A little girl on a bike asked if I was a man or a woman. It was... unnerving.

at least no one ever asked you when you were due.

What makes you think they haven't?

Yep, I've gotten that. I've also gotten the two French dudes who, in Ottawa (Ottawa!), stood in front of me and discussed, in French, how "tired" I looked and how stupid a cashier I was, while I continually tried to cut in, in French. They didn't notice that I was also speaking the language in which they were discussing my less-than-wonderful (apparently) appearance. I even said, "Hello, I speak French and I'm right here," but they didn't seem to care.

When they finally stopped, I answered their question, in French, and even then they never clued in that I could understand them. Some people think they live in a bubble, I swear.

les assh�les

My teacher was pregnant, near the end of her second trimester. it was may and the last day of school before mother's day.
I bought my teacher a "mother-to-be" card. Left it on her desk on Friday.

Monday came around and we had a substitute teacher.

on Saturday, my teacher had miscarried.

It's not quite the same, but I had that same, paint your tongue black feeling.

on a much less-rude level, when i was in japan i had a couple of guys on a train behind me discussing whether i was american or european.� when they finally decided i was european, i turned around and said "amerikajin desu." and walked off the train :D

In elementary school, I was in a "Gifted and Talented" program. For one of our projects, we chose gift items from a catalog and filled out the order forms.

I chose a gift for my mom that was a sign about how great she was. I figured she worked a lot and was tired all the time, and that she loved me a lot, so this was a perfect present. Unfortunately I sort of misunderstood the words. The teacher made me pick something else.

The sign?
Small Busted Women Have Big Hearts

I had the opposite happen with a cashier at a store where I was buying baby things. We were just chatting when we had this exchange.

me: ...we are expecting our first baby.

her: You are? That's nice. When are you due?

me: next month.

I was 8 months pregnant and she couldn't tell! When you are pregnant you take certain solice in the fact that you may be huge, but people can tell it is "baby huge" and not "super-size french fries huge." It kind of upset me that people didn't know just from looking at me that I was pregnant.

so you know how i'm saying 'your mom" all the time?


it's good to know that your friend's mom is no longer living BEFORE you say that.

.oO I see a red tongue and I want to paint it black Oo.

i've been earwormed with that *every time* i look at this forum's title.

A couple of friends and I were hanging out, working on a skit for drama. I was a senior in high school, (and my mother taught me better than this, I know, but) �I noticed the guy sort of twitched on occasion. So I said, totally jokingly (I thought) 'What's wrong too much coffee? Or is it a nerve condition.' He replied 'I'm allergic to caffine, and yes, it is a nerve condtion.' So I kind of got a double coat of paint on the tongue.