what can i say

I've had similar issues with meds. When I was a teen and heard that "you may be on them for the rest of your life" I pretty much bolted and stopped taking them altogether. I wasn't ready for that kind of news. That it made me hopelessly messed up. But now I'm on meds again. And it still bugs me sometimes because I feel like "normal" people can do just fine without it. But if my chemicals are messed up, I can't just will them into submission.

Just think of it as two parts. It's not all chemical. The meds help keep the chemicals in order so you can do the heavy lifting in terms of getting your emotions sorted out. It's a tool, just like any other. You aren't less of a person if, say, you have high blood pressure and have to take meds at all times to get your body evened out. Once you regulate the blood pressure you are then more free to tackle everything else. It's not a failing of yours to treat your body's imbalances (whether in the body or the brain) and secure your better health. It's more a failing not to, because then you're not giving your body the respect it deserves.

what she said.

plus: I did the same thing, still doing it sometimes. people in this area tend to be behind the times as far as mental illnes, sexuality, lifestyles and pretty much everything else, making it verra hard for thoes who deal with it every day in their own lives. my family thinks I'm crazy, certafiable, and maybe soemtimes I am, but I dunno... I don't know what I'm trying to say. my mind is ashambles, I need my other meds back.

poop.

I've done the medication route before, lasted 2-3 years before I came off them. I could have been on them for the rest of my life, maybe I should have been on them (although now that I understand the biological reasoning better, I was being treated for the wrong medical condition and my Effexor was grossly raising my heart rate)

The thing about being on lithium right now is that you have to go in every couple months and get blood tests done to find out if you're lithium toxic. If you stay lithium toxic then it's the same as having a stroke. You can lose muscle control, facial control, you can essentially become retarded. Irreversibly, if it's not immediately clear. I find this hard to explain, but lithium gives you the jitters, in the sense that if I hold up my right hand and will it to shake just a little bit, like pretending that I have palsy or something, the shakes amplify on there own up and down my arm and all of the sudden my whole arm is shaking and I can't stop it. The lesson is that I don't fake having palsy, but it always freaks me out to see my muscles jerking uncontrollably. I've been reassured that it's a normal reaction to lithium.

The amount of lithium... *shudders*... the expression that comes to mind and it might be a local one is "horse pills". There's something seriously demeaning about having to choke down these super huge pills ever night, it's hard to tell yourself "medical condition, I'm not that abnormal" when you're gulping down these monstrosities.

meh, anyways, I'm not actually that negative or upset about it. I'm just ranting. I appreciate your comments Andrea (and yourself Zilpha). Us pill popping "normal people" gotta stick together, no? ;)