*giddy*

by rights shouldn't you have to tell us WHY you're giddy?

can't i be randomly excited?

oh wait... i guess i can't, eh? i keep forgetting i'm the king of angst

i'm very canadian so you'll have to excuse my politeness and decorum: have you ever dreamed about doing something and then forced your rational side to supress it as something you couldn't handle, or something that wasn't really going to happen, or you starting making up all the negative things that *could* happen... i dunno. like when jon brings over people for the first time, and i'm so very terrified to come out of my room, but once i do for that first time everything settles down.

anyways, the phone rang before that blog post. i heard it ring through the house and i was totally terrified. i looked down at my belly and i could see the area right about my belly button pulsing with my heart. my hands were shaking like i had a seizure. hardcore bad reaction. and you look at the phone ringing and some part of you makes a decision, essentially fight or flight. and most times i run away. but... i dunno, i didn't. and after about two minutes everything was *right*. and y'know, it ended up being a great conversation.

essentially i was giddy half because of the conversation itself, and half because i was in that post-haze taking-the-first-step place. and honestly i was bouncing off the walls all night happy. i actually wrote a positive poem in the month of december, lol.

and then the phone rang later and i totally avoided it, because, y'know, i'm socially phobic. have to be selective about who you pick the phone up for ;)

BTW, your explanation of your bad situation half makes me want to scream and half makes me want to rant uncontrollably. i'm so very horrified by how bad your life can get. my only not-really-constructive-comment is that medicare in canada is far easier to access and you could get free drugs here. *shrugs* I know that doesn't help, I have nothing but my *hugs* to offer.