(I love the title BTW, totally reminds me of a Sweat Shop Union song)
I mentioned it in passing on Erica's blog; essentially a doctor diagnoses you with a mental illness as specified in the DSM-IV (actually, I think there is a revised version of the DSM-IV out now, it's not a *huge* amount different). The DSM-IV has a list of criteria for mental illness, i.e. if you meet five of these criteria and you've been mentally ill for longer than this period of time then you are _____. The guide has provisions for people under stressful conditions, a doctor can't just arbitrarily say "you have foo" unless you meet all the written conditions.
This is how I ended up being diagnosed as having "major depressive episodes" without being "manic depressive". I happened to know the criteria that they were using so it was easy enough to tailor my answers accordingly. (Part of my mental illness is deflecting treatment, self-medication, etc. My illness... I mean, *I* deflect my treatment)
There is no better or worse. You are the person that you are. As I see it, it's your coping with your illness that is better or worse. Again, like 99% of the fruheads you've been blessed with mental illness. Perhaps drugs are part of your coping. Perhaps therapy is part of your coping. Perhaps talking online is part of your coping. Perhaps writing angst-filled poetry is part of it too. Whatever works. The end result is the same: you shouldn't do harm to yourself, to your lifestyle and you should be able to live day-to-day. That's the eventual goal.
Doctors and their shite... blah. It's your life, it's your illness. Hanging a label on it (i.e. schizophrenia, PTSD) should be a constructive thing for you, it's not a mark against you. You aren't less of a person for your illness, you're more of one. We all have crosses to bear, some of us happen to have names written on our crosses in neon colors for all to see.
Normal? No one really is necessarily normal. Assume that you're in a room with 5 manic people and 5 depressive. The average person would be baseline normal then (each high-energy person balances off a low-energy person) but there isn't a "normal" person in the room. Normal people don't necessarily exist, normal people are people you don't know that well.
You're the best zil that I know and I wouldn't change you if I could. I hope that you feel more in control of your illness as time goes on, it sucks to be scared and alone (god, how I know). The lack of holding... I relate. I hate physical contact with most people but I need to be held as well.
*hugs* Keep on keeping on. You're my favoritest zil in the whole wide world :)
