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Jian Update: Baby Mammals and Sock Hops

Posted by: Josh Woodward on Fri, Feb 7, 2003

dearest >play pram pushers,

i'm having a baby.

not literally, of course. a male mammal is incapable of such wondrous feats. but i am going to sire my own little mammal. it's fantastic.

of course, i don't quite know how to do this yet. how to "deliver the baby," so to speak. but my EXECUTIVE PRODUCER has decided that i need to be a pram pusher. she says it'll be good for ratings. i've agreed to follow her orders.

baby mammals are very popular. so are "family men" pushing baby mammals in prams. we all know it worked well for GERALD FORD in the mid-'70s. he became president without having to win any elections. he had the FORD family. with BETTY FORD and the kids. the NIXON resignation helped too. then he almost beat JIMMY CARTER before he lost the only election he was ever in. but he came close! and pram pushing has been good for others too. like MICHAEL JACKSON. also a family man.

let me explain. we had a hot show live in montreal last week. great >play! very hot. and so sexy. sexy >play! and sweaty hot. a bit too sweaty. yet very good. but my EXECUTIVE PRODUCER felt that i looked too much like a bachelor wandering around in that packed bar. she scolded me after the show and said it was all wrong. i am a bachelor. but bachelors aren't great for ratings, she says. unless you're THE BACHELOR. she wants numbers. she wants me to be a pram pusher. i've agreed to follow her orders.

all i have to do is find a mate. and then i just have to mate with my mate. it seems quite easy. but i'm finding it difficult. i've told my EXECUTIVE PRODUCER i will start pushing the pram in 9 months. i need to get to work on this now that there is a line in the sand.

finding a mate was easier in the 1950s. back then mammals would acquire a mate by following some basic steps: they would go to sock-hops. then they would drink milkshakes. and then they were happy. and dancing. and white. and rich. and then they would push their prams.

i guess with all the worries of the new milennium, like finding a mate, and getting your website updated, and global war, we all yearn for the 1950s. ahh the '50s...when we were all white and happy and rich.

on this week's edition of >play we look at the return of the 1950s in pop culture. from FAR FROM HEAVEN to LA BOHEME the '50s are back in film, theatre, design, music and other stuff. that's what i'm told. we will also be looking at new car designs that have a decidedly retro '50's look in our visit to the LOS ANGELES MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART.

we will feature my interview with acclaimed cockney actor MICHAEL CAINE and the release of his new film, THE QUIET AMERICAN, also set in the 1950s. >play movie princess MICHELLE MCCREE will be live in the >play pen to discuss.

then we will have the SUNNY SIDE WITH STEVE BURGESS. he looks like he should be in the 1950s, with his groovy specs. and his hair.

but for something completely different - we like that - on this week's play episode we will also celebrate BLACK HISTORY MONTH with our very own >play poet laureate JEMENI live in the >play pen. she'll be debuting a new work commissioned for this week's show. not written in the '50s.

and finally, our live musical guest will be HARRY MANX. harry is a canadian folk hero who has travelled the world and boasts near legendary status in australia. we're thrilled to have harry doing a rare television appearance on >play.

join us live in the toronto >play pen! or watch on the cathode-ray box.

any advice on how i might attain pram pusher status can be directed to myself or, more specifically, my producers. they would like to see that a new star is born. for me. and our ratings.

yours (with no pram at the prom),

jian

tv host/mate-minded mammal >play on CBC Newsworld p: 416.205.7918 f: 416.205.2516

Sign up for Jian's weekly newsletter while visiting our website: www.cbc.ca/play

For info on this week's show call the >play line: 416.205.2354 Watch >play Thursdays LIVE @ 11:00 pm ET or the re>plays Friday @ 2:00 am ET, 8:00 pm ET or Saturdays 7:00 pm ET.

Adam Hartfield · 22 years, 1 month ago

Perhaps the mushrooms he's eating aren't the normal edible kind one finds in a supermarket.

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